When I tell women that I own a sexuality boutique, if they’re single, so many of them say, “Oh I don’t need toys, I don’t have a man right now.”  I say to that, “This is exactly the time to start exploring.”  So many women seem to believe that if they are not in a sexual relationship with a man, they shouldn’t be having orgasms.  Why are they denying themselves the pleasure?  What better way to start a day, or unwind from a tough one?

Was it the way we were brought up, did someone discourage us?  Is it just the difference between growing up as a girl compared to as a boy?  Or did we just never get the permission and the rule book?  Ladies, men have taken full advantage of masturbation, let’s learn from them. 

Why are so many women so uptight about the idea of masturbation?  I can tell you I was.  It just wasn’t something I did.  And if I did masturbate, it wasn’t something I would admit to – even to my husband.  I remember thinking, “ I’m married; I don’t need to do that”.  Or it just never came to mind, or found its way to the top of my to-do list.

Between guilt, not being able to relax, feeling like “good girls” don’t need to do that, or that married women don’t need to do that, or the endless tasks we need to complete on a daily basis, it’s really a wonder we ever get around to sex by ourselves or with a partner.

So schedule yourself in for a 10 minute shower at the start of the day and bring a toy with you.  Schedule yourself some alone time at the end of the day that’s just for you.  No one has to know, I won’t tell.  I know you have ten minutes – and if you add a toy, it doesn’t even have to take that long.  It’s something that’s fun, feels great, and that you do for yourself.  It’s liberating.

Can you have solo sex without a toy or lubricant, of course you can.  Can using a toy, lubricant or both for masturbation make it more fun – you bet they can. 

 
Let’s hear it – “Masturbation can be fun”.  I’m sorry; I don’t think I heard that, all together now – “Masturbation Can Be Fun.”  Go to it Ladies!

Dawn

Lubricant can mean the difference between Ahhh! or Oh My!!!

Prior to discovering our store, many couples’ only experience with lubricants is with KY.  We are only human, and who can resist the commercials with the fireworks, the panting, and the complete look of satisfaction that comes from a mutually orgasmic explosion?  You want to know what that feels like, it’s only natural.  We tried KY a couple years before opening the store and after one try it remained in the drawer.  The fireworks were our own normal variety – nothing like the commercial depicts, but then when does the burger on TV resemble the one you get through take-out?

I’m here to tell you though that there’s a whole world of lubricants out there made to be in-tune to the female body especially – it is after all going inside us.  Some lubricants are being made by women, some are organic, most are chemical free, you can find glycerin free lubricants, lubricants that create a warming sensation, lubricants that create a cooling sensation, or lubricants specifically meant for women experiencing dryness during and even outside of the bedroom.  Then there are flavors – so many flavors out there.  Ladies, what if he tasted like a Pina Colada?  Or maybe watermelon or chocolate?  And I won’t leave the guys out here, what if she tasted like strawberries or mango?  I can only assume areas of our bodies would get a little more attention if they tasted like a fruit or a decadent dessert.

When you add a toy to your playtime, a lubricant is a no-brainer.  Depending on your hormones, it’s sometimes enough work creating enough lubricant for him, but then you’re going to add a toy – take the pressure off of yourself and pick up some great lubricant.  Don’t we all need a little less stress in our lives? 

Simplify and create a stress-free romantic evening – buy some lubricant the next time you're out!

Dawn

So off I went with my current favorite toy, Fun Factory’s Yooo, to see what all the hype was about.  Now it might just be that I love the Yooo so much, or maybe it was that I was by myself – this doesn’t happen that often with 2 small kids, 2 dogs, 2 cats, a husband, and no locks on most of the doors in our house, but this was really liberating.  I felt a little naughty, and I had a fun sexy secret to share with my husband later.

Legs shaking, knees weak, exhilarated and recharged for the day.  Oh, and major bonus – the Yooo gets cleaned before I leave the shower, so there’s no extra clean-up needed, love it!

Make tomorrow’s special breakfast order sex in the shower for one.

Dawn
 

One of our most vulnerable times is when we’re naked.  To tell someone how sexy they look right when they are most vulnerable is to give them great power that boosts their self-esteem, enhances their sexual empowerment, and strengthens the trust and safety within your relationship.  Words definitely have power in the bedroom.

If you say to your lover, “Do you know how sexy you look right now”, whatever it is they’re doing when you say that, you can be sure they’ll do it again in the future.  When everybody’s naked and maybe doing something new, these 9 words can do a lot to boost self-confidence “Do you know how sexy you look right now?”  If you’re trying to encourage your mate to continue doing something, or to do it again in the future, those 9 words are a sure fire way to ensure a repeat performance.

A note of caution, use these words sparingly.  Too much of a good thing can become something that feels less heart-felt and much less genuine than you intended.  Like the couple you know that is always saying and doing over the top gushy things – it doesn’t seem real and they seem like they’re trying too hard.  You know when it’s the right time, and if you say it from your heart you can’t go wrong.  Make your partner feel sexy, special, like they’re the only one you could imagine yourself with.  Those are the words you want running through their head when they’ve had a long day and they recall their favorite memory.  The memory of those words will rekindle that fire all by themselves.

Dawn

So when the people who aren’t talking about it happen upon Sweet Escape™, or a store like ours, they may find themselves  at a loss as a couple.  I’ve started calling this the couple’s sex store dance and it goes something like this:

A couple comes in the store and neither of them knew what to expect inside.  They both discover what’s in our store after a few minutes, and giggle together or share a knowing look or comment to put both of them at ease.  She finds something interesting and the dance starts; she says, “Oh, what does this do?  That looks interesting.”  He says, “Is this something we should try?”  She’s usually noncommittal at this point, there’s still much more to see.  A few minutes later he takes the lead and finds something interesting and she’s asking if this is something they should try.  Now sometimes this is a dance being led by only one of the couple, and sometimes the partners take turns taking the lead.  The partners who share taking the lead seem to have a healthier grasp on their sexuality and seem more open to exploring.

When the dance is one-sided though, it means one person may be more adventurous, and/or the other person might be a little unsure of themselves.  Stores like ours provide a great excuse to have a conversation about trying something new or exploring something you may have been hesitant to bring up in the past.

What better time to bring up a fantasy like being tied up then when you’re in a boutique and you see handcuffs or bed restraints?  You could just point out a product and if you have a partner who’s open, they may ask, “Is that something you might like to try?”  When your partner asks that, it normally means they’re open to it also.  If they weren’t open, the answer to you pointing it out would be “Yup.”  Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

I’m saddened when I hear a dance invitation turned down completely.  When it’s warm out, the doors are open and you can hear the conversation outside as people pass by debating whether or not to come in the store.  You’ll hear one person say, “Do you want to go in?”  And the reply, “We don’t need anything in there.”  That person has fear inside them from any number of sources.  And it’s not always the female in the relationship as our stereotypes would lead us to believe.  

I want to run out to the street and counsel and ask questions and share my story of how I used to be like that, and how you can change if you want to and how that opens you up to a whole new space with in your relationship. 

Now I’m not saying everyone has to love and use sex toys, I’m just talking about “talking about IT”, outside of doing “IT”, and being open enough and loving enough to see what’s possible.

Let your hair down everyone and enjoy each other!

Dawn

We walked in the door with women who were obviously looking to be “discovered” by the “movies”.  I don’t know if I’d feel comfortable wearing some of their outfits for my husband let alone go out in public, but no judgment here.  When we walked into the show, there was a giant see-saw with two “starlets” playing, men taking pictures, you get the idea.  I needed to use the bathroom and found several women in different stages of “getting into their outfits”.  There were tattoos and boobs everywhere.  Now I have to give myself credit that it doesn’t faze me now – 2 years ago I never would have been there, now I found myself thinking, “Nice boobs!.”

The rest of our time there was spent pointing out the more alarming entertainment to each other.  The stereotypical men waiting for photos with “starlets” who look like they crawled out from their parents basement, or spend most of their time alone with a computer – sorry, but if the stereotype fits . . .

We did find two great new individual manufacturers of glass toys – we can’t wait to get them into the store!  So our trip wasn’t a waste, but I was dazed by my dose of reality. 

I’m a grown-up, I know the sleazier side of this exists, but I choose to drown it out. With Sweet Escape I’ve created this “high-class”, more acceptable version of a sex shop and it’s my bubble I live in. Friday night was a reminder that when most people think of a store with sex toys, it’s still Friday night’s show that comes to mind, and not our store.

So I took a little stumble off my soap box, but I’ve dusted myself off and I’m back – sex is a good thing and the intimate side of our relationships needs to be nurtured.  And no matter how sleazy some need to make the “sex industry”, there is a place for everyone – from conservative to way out freaky!

Dawn

We have women come into Sweet Escape who swear by their rabbits and others who want nothing to do with them.  We’ve been open at Sweet Escape for over 14 months and I must confess I’ve never used a Rabbit.   You might be wondering why it’s taken me so long to try one.  It’s definitely not for lack of access to them; we have plenty of them in the store.  I have rabbit-enthusiastic people around me quite often, so it’s not from a lack of positive referral. It’s also not because I tried one and didn’t like it – like I tell my children, “How do you know you don’t like something unless you’ve tried it?”  This is obviously another case of me needing to practice what I preach!  If pressed for why not – my natural response would be that I’ve shied away from them for no particular reason other than that it seemed like too much and I’m perfectly happy with the equipment that came along with my husband – my excuse - so basically the fear of trying something new.  Bottom line, I didn’t make my own pleasure a priority, and I let my fear control me. 

A woman who frequents Sweet Escape came looking for a rabbit that thrusts (I had a hard time picturing what this would look like) while also doing all the other things traditional rabbits do.  When she asked about it I hadn’t heard of it yet, so I looked it up and there it was by Cal Exotic, the Thrusting Jack Rabbit.

I got the trusting rabbit in the store, and on a whim brought it home.  Someone at my house was pleasantly surprised to see it.  After a little warm-up care of my husband, I have to say this toy was a nice surprise.  Without giving you too many details, I needed only about 20 seconds with Cal Exotic’s Thrusting Jack Rabbit.  Now you may be wondering if this was beginners luck, well I was too.  I’ve tried it again, because I was just as skeptical about my fabulous results and wanted to find out if all rabbits worked this well for me, or did I find a winner on the first shot.  I’ve since tried another, and I now understand why I enjoyed the first one, and not the second one.  Cal Exotic’s Thrusting Jack Rabbit has a softer material than others, including the rabbit ears themselves.  The thickness is also perfect for me, and although it is noisy compared to rechargeable toys, it put me in a place that allowed me to ignore it – now that says something right there.

I have to make one additional confession, other than never having used a rabbit; I’m also a bit of a toy snob.  I’m not particularly impressed by the pink or purple sparkling toy that you can see into – I don’t understand the need for all that.  I don’t look down on those who use these toys, to the contrary, I’m inspired by our customers who enjoy the girliness that some toys have and charge ahead with them. 

I mention my snobbery because my new favorite Thrusting Jack Rabbit is purple with a little pink at the top, sparkles all over with the beads in silver and purple – so my toy snobbery has been humbled a bit.  As you can imagine, I did not have Cal Exotic’s Thrusting Jack Rabbit in Sweet Escape or online before my test-drive, because it didn’t pass my toy-snob standards.  Now that those standards have been adjusted, this Rabbit has a spot on my Rabbit table and a place online.

Like most women, I enjoy external play, but sometimes there’s something missing - dah, we all know what that is.  The Rabbit solves that particular problem quite well.  The rabbit is something every woman should try at least once to see if she likes it – you may be missing out on pleasure you didn’t even know existed.

So I’m glad I finally took my own advice and just tried a Rabbit!  Here’s to enjoying the last 2 months of the year of the rabbit in pleasure and style. 

Tell me about your favorite Rabbit - I love recommendations from others!

Dawn
 

Just a month ago I remember sitting outside a dance lesson listening slightly baffled, though not judgmental, to two mothers talk about kids who wouldn’t go to bed before 10 or 11pm.  I smugly thought about how lucky I was, and how I didn’t think I could survive if I didn’t get that child-free time at night.  When I think back now, this was the knock on wood moment.

Now I sit here at 10pm typing this with my children both upstairs “playing” in our daughter’s room.  Now the irony of the situation is that they can play together for well over an hour at 9 or 10 at night without a referee, where during daylight hours a referee is required almost every 5 minutes.  Why is it that when children are doing something they’re not supposed to be doing, they can be so devilishly quiet and well-behaved about it? 

So this has been going on for about a month now, and at first my husband and I resisted.  In the beginning resistance came in the form of yelling, and threatening.  We’ve now moved into acceptance – is this the steps in the grieving process?    And the enemy, sorry, I mean our children, have sensed our acceptance and now more brazenly then before come downstairs at regular intervals to pepper us with ridiculous questions – “When is it going to be Christmas” – a favorite of our 3 year old, or “When can we go on the train?” – a favorite of the 5 year old.

The cherished me and we time we actually had, when one of us wasn’t working at the store, or out at the grocery store – always Derrick I have to admit, continues to erode.  I sometimes think we’ve used up all of our patience on children staying up way too late, and all of the normal things that happen all day long and have little left to share with each other at the end of the day.

Moral of my story – sex in the morning.
 

We don’t have all the time in the world, so go out and live your life, now!

When my husband has done something that has really pissed me off, and one of us is leaving the house and I’m stubbornly not wanting to kiss him good bye, he reminds me, “what if something happens and I don’t come home?” The first time he said this to me I was even more pissed, not wanting to think of life without him. And as much as I didn't want to admit it at the time, he was right.

If 9/11 taught us nothing else, it taught us that anything can happen when you walk out that door. So make every moment count and cherish those you love. In honor of those who didn’t get to say good-bye, go out and live, and never take your time here for granted.

Make it count!

Dawn

When I was working to open Sweet Escape™, my work was focused on just that, opening the store.  The sex toys and lubricants and lingerie were products in the store and now part of my job as a store owner.  I didn’t pay much attention to all of the “help” I had all around me.  Once we opened, and we had customers coming in, I realized I had no problem talking to complete strangers about sex.  I realized this had never been an issue for me.  But I also realized that talking to my husband about my desires was a completely different ball game.  This seemed pretty silly to me thinking about the conversations I had every day in the store.

Pre-Sweet Escape, the word horny never crossed my lips and anything more direct than that, forget it.  I don’t think it ever occurred to me in the midst of commuting, working, raising two kids, and picking up the house, god forbid time to myself, to zone in on our intimate relationship.  We had sex, good sex, so what was there to talk about?  Around Valentine’s Day this past year, I used the x-rated hearts we had in the store to express my feelings, and even that was difficult.  As a relatively shy person, I’m not always that good at asking for what I want.  On this point there’s also no fault on my husband’s side, he’s completely open and nonjudgmental when it comes to sex.  

So I’ve started taking baby steps.  The first was the Valentine Hearts – which I do still have in the store, so if you’re in the same boat shoot me an email!  The next was starting to read books I had in the store.  My favorite so far is Secrets of a Supersexpert by Tracey Cox.  The book is fun, it has pictures – so most guys will read it too, and it sparked conversations about sex that didn’t seem as threatening to me as God forbid, talking about my sexual desires – gasp!  I’m working on my next step now . . . stay tuned

Focus on one aspect of your intimate life at a time and put effort and attention to it.  Our intimate lives need our attention the same way everything else does.  Make time for it.

Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass; it’s about dancing in the rain.  

Give yourself permission to relax and enjoy!

Dawn

I’ve been surprised, pleasantly, at the small number of embarrassed patrons we get in the store, but I’m also reminded frequently how desensitized I’ve become to sex toys, and how overwhelming our store can be to first-timers.  We occasionally get women in the store who “act”, too loudly, like they are shocked by the toys in the store – but those are usually the ones with a suitcase full of toys beneath their beds!  Why do some of us feel the need to hide our sexual desires or pretend to be prudish thinking that will place us in higher esteem with our friends?  There are so many of us who are uptight and uncomfortable with our sexuality, and our society continues to send mix messages.

Some of my concern over other people’s reaction to the store comes from the taboo-nature our culture places on all things sexual.  We looked at store fronts in the town right next to us when we were looking for a location and were told by the realtors that it wouldn’t fit in and people would talk, but let me know where you open so I can send my wife.  This particular town has two tobacco stores on the main street.  Last I checked, consensual sex between adults was good for you for numerous reasons, and tobacco causes cancer? 

I used to feel a little weird telling someone what type of store we have, and my husband would filter out the erotica piece when someone was “very catholic”, or if we were in more of a conservative meeting.  I sometimes wonder what I would have thought about our store had I walked in to it 2 years ago.  I hope I would have had an open mind and been able to explore, but I don’t know that I would have.  I’ve realized recently what an unexplored relationship I’ve had with my own sexuality.  My sex-life has always been good, but I never put much thought into it.  I didn’t take the time to consider what I might enjoy, or what else we could throw in the mix to freshen things up.  I’ve found that people don’t really talk about sex when everything is fine, and if sex is bad or a problem in the relationship, they talk even less.  But is “fine” or even “good” how we want to describe our sex lives?

When I worked in the corporate world, I left the house at 6am, returned after 6pm, I was married and had two children, and people often told me I needed to learn how to relax and pamper myself.  My definition of pampering was going to a spa and getting a massage or spending time reading a book.  These are both great ways to relax or pamper, but I never thought beyond these traditional outlets.  Relaxing never meant self-pleasure or discovering more about my sexuality to bring myself and my husband more pleasure. 

So I’ve begun to explore, and have shed my uptightness to some degree.  I hope you’ll join me as Sweet Escape continues to help others shed their uptightness and explore their sexuality.

Dawn